|Chapter No.||Part No.||Content of the Chapter|
|NA||NA||Introduction (Preface, Foreword, A Devotee Speaks and A Thought)|
|Chapter 1||Part 1||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 2||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 3||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 4||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 2||Part 1||The Heart Overflows|
|Chapter 2||Part 2||The Heart Overflows|
|Chapter 2||Part 3||The Heart Overflows|
|Chapter 2||Part 4||The Heart Overflows|
|Chapter 2||Part 5||The Heart Overflows|
I have only one thought in my mind – that of my Sai, only one feeling – that of my Sai. Whatever I write gets limited to my Sai. Apart from it, when I have nothing else within me, how could I express some other thought on paper? Whatever I write gets all encompassed around my Sai, only the words change. Where from should I get new ideas and new feelings, when I carry nothing else within me? And even if there crop up some other thought sometimes, how can I express those on paper and provide an opportunity to the world at large to see that the pitcher within me is not yet full. Will it not be a reflection on my Sai, whose songs I hum day and night?
When I am sitting with perfect serenity of mind, my ‘Aatma’ filled with bliss, lost in self, fully oblivious of the world outside, in those moments of quietude, time seems to stop moving and there seem to exist nothing other than my peace entwined around my Sai. I and my Sai become one. My soul has a feeling of ‘Parmanand’. May be it is such moments of ecstasy that have been termed as ‘Swarg’ (Heaven).
Related: Scribblings of A Shirdi Sai Devotee
When I am in deep slumber, Sai comes stealthily Catching hold of my hand makes me to scribble some words And when I wake up And read what has been written, I am lost in myself The thought that has been scribbled Who is instrumented for generating it? O’ my Baba: Why do you keep on playing such games And make my ego boost? Today I have understood this secret, When for a few moments I and you become one And my Aatma gets awakened from its slumber My hand starts moving automatically You make me to write but I get the credit for it High sounding philosophies and deep secrets Which have left their mark on the horizon of time Must have got scribbled the same manner by you And the writer would have taken credit for it In his moments of weakness Do have pity on my ignorance, O’ my Sai Make this hand of mine write some words Which may bring a complete change in the universe And turn the demon in man into human.
Today is Ram Navmi – The festival which Baba had himself started celebrating in his life time. Very early in the morning when I got up, I started brooding over the importance of this festival for Sai devotees. I told Baba: “What should I do Baba? For the last many years, on Ram Navmi day, with complete faith and dedication, I have been doing your ‘Puja-Archana’ by offering to you flowers, scents, sweets and performing ‘Aarti’ with butter oil. I would offer to you ‘Prasad’ according to my capacity. But today due to old age and infirmness of body, when I find myself incapacitated to render service to you thus, I feel a pain within me. My soul feels anguished but I am left with no alternative except to suffer silently”. Sai exclaimed: “O’ you fool! Even now you have not been able to understand the path of bhakti shown by me. When and where have I said that for my worship you need any external paraphernalia? I have said that I live in ‘Bhakti’ alone. I merely yearn to have your faith and devotion. I have stated that if you shall call upon me whole-heartedly, I shall come running to you even from beyond the seven seas. You have already spent the major part of your life on show business. Now you sit quiet and quietening your senses get lost in me. Even yesterday, I was with you, today I am with you and shall ever remain so. My relationship with you is not limited to your body. For the last many births you have been with me and shall always remain with me”. After listening to Baba’s words, the feeling of anguish within me completely died down and I again returned to myself.
O’ Baba, I have loved you with all my heart, Whether you love me or not is your prerogative It is also a fact that you have given me abundantly Whether I accept this fact or not is my prerogative Love knows no give and take Scattering of it all around Makes it grow at a high speed Then why this feeling of return be lurking in my mind It is clear that my love is not Pure and Satvik With no desire for return. The bliss that is experienced in giving Is certainly not in taking The moment this difference shall be understood by me I and you shall become one
The devil sitting within me says: “You are a devotee of Sai. You must allow me to coexist with goodness within you and follow the theory – ‘Live and let live’. Since you have taken to Sai, the area of my influence seems to be dwindling”. I exclaimed: “I have never attempted to dislodge you. But what can I do? When the river of goodness starts flowing within, it is sure to drown the devil of evil, after all the space within is limited”.
My Sai! Today is the last day of the year. Your devotees shall ask from you variety of munificences and you shall give them too. Today when I am sitting pretty to merge in you, and it is quite uncertain whether I shall be able to see the last day of the forthcoming year, I ask you for one boon and I am confident that you shall fulfill it also, bestow on me your pure, absolute, infinite, limitless, blotless, ‘Satvik’, ‘Shubhra’ (Sparkling) bhakti, so that my doubting mind should never be able to go stray.
My Soul When I came into his world I brought within me A pure milky white soul Filled with brilliance. Living in this world I tainted it, Made it dirty Sai came into my life Caught hold of my hand And took over himself The task of cleaning, Rubbing and scratching it The taints faded away The shine returned Today, the state is I am there and so is brilliant soul My Sai is there And infront is lying the heap of The days gone bye But these wretched taints are very nasty These leave me not Quietly these come And get stick to my Aatma Even without I being aware of it My Sai comes Cleanses these taints in no time And when these are unable to do me harm These fade away And I am left staring at my ‘Aatma’ Which shall merge in its source tomorrow And become one with its Sai
That which I took to be ‘I’, was merely a gust of wind. This gust of wind kept on playing with the ‘I’ in me, which I named as life. Now when it is sitting ready to merge in its source, the ‘I’ in me is gazing at it feeling cheated – conjuring where from this gust of wind came and the ‘I’ which I took as to be my existence, what was it and that in which it is awaiting to merge in, what is that? It seems my ‘I’ has woken up after a deep slumber. Then who is this, who is watching – a pure consciousness from which everything has emanated and in which all will merge. I am merely a particle of this consciousness. Nothing exists of its own. What exists is a mere awakened part of this consciousness. That which is called ‘Sai’ is a fully awakened part of this consciousness? Then what is this existence? A mere elaborate form of this very consciousness which has neither a source (उद्गम) nor an end (विलय). Does a gust of wind have any existence of its own?
I have searched for my Sai in this life, I have not knocked the gates of ‘Mukti’ (Liberation). When I shall have found my Sai then it is certain that countless liberations shall be seeking me and shall consider it their good fortune to take me along with them. I am concerned with my destination and not with the sign posts on the way. And why should I be concerned for them, when my Sai is with me.
When I would have taken to the path of truth in life and made it my habit to look within myself, I shall find that the things which had become the cause of my unhappiness, had no existence of their own and the situation which was looking dreadful to me was not worth worrying for and was causing injury to my ego without any reason. I am, in fact, pure consciousness, away from all dualities.
In devotion to Lord Krishna, in obeisance to Lord Siva, in the recitation of couplets from Ramayana and in the pages of ‘Hanuman Chalisa’, I searched for you. Then I turned towards Chistiya Saints and their Dargahs. Bowing at every place my soul did experience peace, serenity and sublimity, but what it had been searching, it found in the ‘Dwarkamai’ at Shirdi. As I entered its portals, my soul seemed to have reached its destination. It seemed to me, I had ever belonged to Sai. From this day onwards, Sai became the be – all and end – all of my life.
For the last 50 years, I am certainly moving ahead steadily towards my goal. Some times I feel my speed is slow and at times fast. But when I have started treading the path, I am sure to reach my destination one day. When I have caught hold of the hand of Sai, how can I remain in the lurch? This is my firm conviction.
Baba! Bestow on me your bhakti. I may never indulge in doing bad deeds and ever be involved in acts which provide joy to others. In fact, doing good should become a part of my habit. My tongue may utter no words which may cause hurt to others. The words that come out of my lips should be laden with the fragrance of your bhakti. The thought of using foul language for anyone should not crop up even in dream in my mind. The feeling of “Sarve Bhavantu Sukhino” (Let there be happiness all around) may keep on emanating from my heart, as also from all my actions. The pains and pleasures of all, I should consider as my own. The food that I eat, I should learn to share with all present at that time around me. I may always remain in the company of the noble and the virtuous and aloof from the ignoble. Never should I find faults in others. The pleasure the body experiences should not make me feel happy and the pain, unhappy. The feeling to wipe off the tears of the miserable and the wretched should always remain dormant in me. Whereever I go and in whatever situation I may be placed, I may spread the waves of happiness around me and keep on humming the music of your glory. When life ebbs out of me, chanting ‘Sai’, ‘Sai’, I may merge in you.
More poems and thoughts in coming part of the chapter
© Author – Late Shri. Suresh Chandra Gupta – Explicit Rights To Publish To Shirdi Sai Baba Books.com (Member of SaiYugNetwork.com)