|Chapter No.||Part No.||Content of the Chapter|
|NA||NA||Introduction (Preface, Foreword, A Devotee Speaks and A Thought)|
|Chapter 1||Part 1||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 2||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 3||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 1||Part 4||In Moments of Ecstasy|
|Chapter 2||Part 1||The Heart Overflows|
I had started on the path of Sai Bhakti in search of that Sai who was a Fakir. On the way, I found many sub-ways (पगडंडियाँ). On every turning, I found a board hanging on which the name inscribed thereon bore the prefix or suffix of ‘Sai’. In some boards the claim of being a Guru was made and in others the claim of having some special powers was made. Each board was painted in shades of different hues and each carried glitter. I would take to one sub-way and on walking for some distance when I found the truth staring at me, I would stop with my head stopping in self-remorse on all that was happening in that Fakir’s name. I would return to the main road and then take to another sub-way, one after the other. Whichever path I took to, in whatever direction I peeped, I found the Baba in whose quest, I had started, missing. In my search, today I have reached the end of my journey, sitting pretty to merge in my Baba. My quest continues unabated even now.
Today, the echo of Sai’s name can be heard all around. But I have not been able to find my Sai – the Fakir, who occupies the crevices of my head and heart. Often I find a feeling creeping within me that I myself have lost the track and have become completely outdated and outmoded. How could otherwise most people become deluded and take to paths other than the one which led to the Fakir, I adored? What could I do with the cravings of my head and heart which keep on seeking the Fakir Sai, who went about with a begging bowl till almost the end of his life and who to me is ‘Parbraham Parmeshwar’. I shall continue the quest for my same Sai, may be I have to take several births on earth.
Having had a good sleep and the pain in knees being a little less, I felt a little healthier this morning. Sitting on my bed, with two pillows on my back supporting me, I am starring at my Sai, humming, “तन भी तेरा, मन भी तेरा” (the body is yours and so is the heart). Suddenly a thought arises in my mind – Who am I deceiving by humming these lines? Have I really been able to surrender my heart and body to you? Surely moments do come in life when I am forced to think that neither have I been able to surrender my heart to you nor my body. Baba, I shall only call it my misfortune. In those moments when I am able to surrender these two to you, how enchanting those become. These moments provide the feeling of joy to my ‘Aatma’. In those moments, my very existence gets lost in you and merely a sweet feeling is left. At that time, I and you perhaps become one. Is it not the same as the union of ‘Aatma’ and ‘Parmatma’? I am an ignorant person. How can I know the truth? And of which use it shall be, even if I know the truth? Not that I have heard, it is my experience too that whatever I know even that shall have to be forgotten. Then only the process of my merging in you shall start. Baba you are fully ‘Samarth’. Do end the feeling of my own existence within me. And then my singing, “Baba you are my own” shall become a reality, O’ my Deva!
O’ my Baba, looking outside of me all my life, I am completely tired. No where from have I been able to get anything. It seems all my life I had been attempting to catch the wind in my hands. Sometimes even if I felt that I would get some peace on sitting under the cozy shade of a particular tree but soon I found that you did not allow me to sit under it for long and uprooted that tree. Surely, you had a hidden message for me. May be you felt that if I sat under the shade of that tree for long, I might even forget you. But my Baba you know it well that since the day I have caught hold of your hand, when did I feel the need to look back? Like the mother overflowing with love and compassion for its child, you have provided support to me in your lap. Never have you even allowed me to think that you possess something away from it. But it is you alone who has always goaded me to keep on searching the truth. And in that quest I have more often found disappointment. How could I then be blamed? Right: ‘Let be gones be bye gones’. Now you turn me fully inwards. Finish up this tendency in me to look outside so that I may keep on looking at you and I and you may become one – an inseparable whole.
Related: Scribblings of A Shirdi Sai Devotee
I am a mud lamp burning on the path of Sai Bhakti I have no existence of my own. The flicker of light the lamp emits, Is the marvel of the oil of Sai Kripa, burning in it. People say the lamp is shedding light. In fact, they know not where from the light came?
Sai! I have merely been able to gather a few drops from the ocean of Sai bliss floating around me and consider myself blessed. Life has assumed a new meaning since you came into my life and living has indeed become a pleasure. Had I been able to take a dip in the ocean of Sai bliss, what would have been my state? Even the thought creates ripples of ecstasy within me.
Sai! I implore you to make my heart a fit place for you to dwell. My mind may entertain no thoughts other than you. My eyes may see nothing else except your existence and beauty in everything, my ears may hear nothing except the songs of your bounteous love and grace and my tongue should utter no words other than those which provide solace to the wretched and the poor who come to seek the same from me, taking me to be a devotee of yours. Baba I know that I am merely a bundle of weaknesses of the senses but how could the filth remain attached to my senses when I have caught hold of your hand and taken to your Sharan? Surely, there is something lacking in me. I beseech you to make me a fit instrument of thy love, thy compassion and thy thoughts and actions. My whole being should exude the rays of Sai Bhakti and make this devotee of yours bathe in the sun-shine of Sai bliss.
The ‘I’ in me often keeps on chanting: “O’ you the thirst for attaining more, you haven’t yet left me (तृष्णा तू न गई मेरे मन से – Trishna Tu Na Gayi Mere Man Se)”. And while chanting these words repeatedly, the purport hidden behind them enters slowly into the crevices of my head and heart. I feel that the ‘I’ in me is still very much alive and is lurking within me, like a demon and mocking at my face. In those moments, the reality dawns on me and makes me realize how hollow my claim to have progressed on the path of Sai Bhakti is?
O’ the ‘I’ in me! Time is now ripe for you to throw away into the dustbin the bundle of your desires for name, fame, honour and recognition, lurking in your bosom and surrender yourself heart and soul at the lotus feet of your Sai. Only a limited time is left at your disposal to be availed. Soon the body, you love so much and care for shall turn into dust and the very existence of that which you term ‘I’ shall cease to exist. Recognize the self in you which is Pure Consciousness, Absolute Existence and Supreme Bliss. Aren’t the quests, you were engaged in thus far enough for you? Forget not that the one who surrenders to Sai, the responsibility for all his burdens is taken over by Him. Have an absolute faith in His words.
The heap of earth was lying in front A life time had been lost in collecting it But the greed in me Hadn’t find its fulfillment The heap kept on growing The time continued lapsing By the time the truth was revealed to me Nothing was left for me But to lament And nurse the feeling of anguish. The birds had eaten away the crop.¬ I was left lamenting piteously, My Sai standing infront Was looking at my piteous state Wearing a beatific smile on his lips Came forward And holding my hands, exclaimed: “Why feel aggrieved my child! Nothing shall you attain by grieving Time lost shall never return to you Whatever is left, accept it Catch hold of my hand steadfastly And girdle your loins Having complete faith in me Surrender to me heart and soul I shall carry you beyond the seven Seas Where neither shall I remain, nor shall you There shall be Pure Consciousness To merge in which All through the ages The humans eagerly await”.
More poems and thoughts in coming part of the chapter
© Author – Late Shri. Suresh Chandra Gupta – Explicit Rights To Publish To Shirdi Sai Baba Books.com (Member of SaiYugNetwork.com)